Feeling very grateful...

This morning around 12:05 a.m. I was driving myself and my cute husband Ki back home from the airport.  I was so excited that he was back from his business trip, that I wasn't paying as much attention as I should have to the road.  I had the car (our blue mazda) on cruise control at 68 mph... the roads were wet... it had been raining.  We were on I-80 E and next thing I knew we were in the sharp curve just before merging onto I-15 when I suddenly panicked as I realized I was going WAY too fast around the turn.  I hit the break harder then I meant to which caused us to hydroplane and start sliding sideways... I then panicked even worse and tried to correct which only made matters much worse.  We ended up hitting the cement wall on the right side of the road then did a 360 across 3 lanes of traffic before slamming into the median on the left side of the freeway which finally brought us to a stop.  All I remember was being so so terrified as I realized we were about to hit the first wall that I closed my eyes, then I pretty much don't remember much other then being hit by the airbag and being so so scared that Ki and my baby boy were hurt.  After the car came to a stop Ki said I was pretty dazed for a couple minutes and wouldn't open my eyes.  When I finally opened my eyes, all I remember was that I was shaking really badly and all I could keep saying was that I was so so sorry as I hysterically sobbed after seeing that Ki was ok.

We feel so blessed that as hard as we hit, and as bad as the accident could have been that we both are okay.  It was so lucky that we happened to be the last car in the pack when I lost control of the car.  We were lucky that even though we were sticking out into the left lane around a blind turn when we finally came to a stop, that no cars hit us.  We were lucky that like the 3rd car that drove past us after we crashed was a police officer, who promptly put out those firecracker things around the car and made a safe perimeter.  The firemen were so kind to me as they took my vitals and were making sure everything was ok.  We were lucky enough not to need the ambulance that came to the scene.  We went to the hospital after my mom and dad picked us up and our car was towed away to check on our sweet baby boy.  I was so scared for him, it was all I could do to keep my emotions under control and to stop shaking.  But they monitored us at the hospital for awhile to make sure I didn't start having contractions and to make sure that the baby's heartbeat was ok, as well as to make sure he was moving.  I was SOOOOOO relieved when I heard him kick the monitor over and over.  I can't even imagine how hard it would have been to forgive myself if anything had happened to Ki or our baby boy last night... I cry pretty much every time I think about it.  They are my life and I am so thankful to still have both of them..  an event like last nights makes you realize how quickly life could change and made me re-discover just how much I have to lose because of how blessed I have been.  I hope that after this experience I will not only be more careful, but that I will show my gratitude more in my daily life to my Heavenly Father by living the way he wants me too. 

Other then some pretty severe whiplash and bruises from my seat belt and the airbag I am ok.  Ki banged up his one leg pretty good, but is also ok.  How could I ask for more?  I am grateful for a husband who was WAY more concerned about the safety of our family then the fact that I crashed and totaled the car that he loved and took VERY good care of.  I am so lucky.  So blessed.  I still keep replaying the accident over and over in my head like a bad nightmare wishing I would've been going slower, or that I would've done something differently so that I didn't wreck the car, but Ki just keeps telling me there are more important things than the car and that we have all the important things still.  He is right, but man why is it so hard to be ok that I made a mistake?  I feel so GUILTY.  I would've been way worse off if anything more serious had happened, and that leaves me feeling grateful that I still have the most important people in my life.